Therapist Unplugged
Welcome to Therapist Unplugged – Real Talk from Real Therapists.
Hosted by Laurie Poole of The Montfort Group, this podcast pulls back the curtain on what really happens in and around the therapy room. No jargon, no perfection—just honest conversations about the messy, meaningful, and deeply human parts of life.
We cover everything from burnout and boundaries to sex, shame, relationships, parenting, grief, identity shifts, and mental health in the modern world. Each episode features licensed therapists who get it—because we live it too.
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Therapist Unplugged
Processing Grief: What Loss Teaches Us About Time, Choice, and Healing
Grief doesn’t follow a script. It surges in kitchens after laughter and settles into quiet corners of the day, especially when loss compounds across months.
In this episode of Therapist Unplugged, Laurie Poole and Courtney Strull from The Montfort Group have an honest conversation about processing grief after the loss of loved ones. Courtney shares her experience of losing multiple family members in a short period of time, including her father, and how grief reshaped her sense of time, identity, and the way she chooses to live.
Whether you’re navigating your own grief, supporting someone you love, or simply trying to understand loss more deeply, this conversation offers space, language, and permission to be exactly where you are.
🎙️ Therapist Unplugged is produced by The Montfort Group, a boutique therapy practice based in Plano, Texas, helping individuals, couples, and families build emotionally intelligent, connected lives.
Subscribe for real conversations with real therapists, because healing doesn’t happen in perfect soundbites.
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Welcome everyone to Therapist Unplugged. I'm Laurie Poole, your host, Licensed Professional Counselor at the Montfort Group in Dallas, Texas. And today's topic is grief and the loss of a loved one. My dear colleague, Courtney Strull, who's also a licensed professional counselor, is here today to share with us her experience around grief. And so a trigger warning for those of you who may have gone through something recently, please take care of yourself while listening to this podcast. And if you need to turn us off for a bit, that's okay. But please make sure you take care of yourself. So, Court, thank you so much for joining me today because I know this has been a rough year on so many levels. And um, you know, it's interesting because I think in our team, you and I are the ones who have actually lost loved ones. For you, your dad, your maternal grandparents, I believe a great aunt. I've lost my mom, my dad, and a brother and a former husband. Um, so we've both we have that in common. And I thought, who better to share these experiences with than you, Court, because um, you know, it's a lot. And I think we learn a lot about ourselves, about grief and how uncomfortable people are with grief. And so I wanted to start today just by asking you if you could share a little bit about what your experience has been in the last year, you know, and um some of the loss that you have suffered so that we have some context for our conversation.
Courtney Strull:Yeah. Um, well, thank you for having me, number one. Um, it's so interesting. Uh, I'm learning so much about grief. And it's funny to be someone talking about grief because I think I have the opportunity and I guess the wisdom at this point um with uh the grief over the last few years and especially what happened in 2025, having lost six family members in under seven months. Um, most notably my dad in April, uh, who had terminal brain cancer. Six weeks later, my grandfather, and a month later, my grandmother. So it was hit after hit. And it's interesting because you and I have had several conversations about grief in the last nine months since my you know family situation has exploded, in my opinion. Um, and conversations we've even had three weeks ago, and where I how different I'm feeling now. Um interesting. It is interesting, and I understand from the the people I watch or the podcast that I listen to that this is something that's ever changing. It's not something that goes away. Um what I will say is my grief started in January of 2021 when my dad received his diagnosis. And, you know, Drew and I have had, you know, you know Drew, but for listeners or watchers, that's my fiance and soon-to-be husband. He lost his dad when he was 16 more suddenly than I did. It's interesting to have the conversations about sudden loss versus watching someone who's sick because Drew had the sudden loss, and now he has now been with someone and bear witness to uh watching someone die over an extended period of time and what that's like. And I know you share that experience with me in regards to your brother specifically, and and the grief that comes with that. But where I'm at this week, um, I've been actually quite emotional, not just about my dad, but about my grandparents for the first time. Um I think it's just now hitting me like, oh, they're not here either. I've been so fixated and stuck on my dad because he was young. 64 is really young to die. Whereas my grandparents were 92 and 89, but these two people were also perfectly healthy until six months prior to their death. And so things escalated quite quickly between all three of those people in my life. And at the exact actually on February 10th, all three of them. My dad ended up in the ICU. Two hours later, my grandpa was in the ER, and we found out he had pancreatic cancer, and four hours later, my grandmother had had a stroke. So That was one day, February 10th. And I think probably why it's difficult. Obviously, the holidays have passed. And I actually did quite well on the holidays. I think it was reflecting in the new year that these people are stuck in 2025. And that was a really New Year's was actually very hard.
Laurie Poole:Tell me more about that.
Courtney Strull:Um it I I kind of just my dad's not going with me. My grandparents aren't going with me. Um, and I started journaling in the same journal. It's called The Greatest Self-Help Book is the one written by you. And so it's prompted, and I like that.
Laurie Poole:Yeah.
Courtney Strull:It leaves space for your own thoughts, but it does ask you, you know, two different questions a day. It has a mantra at the top. It asks you to fill in how full your heart is, um, and identify four feelings that you're having. And so I started doing this again in the new year, uh, and unintentionally flipped to just the couple pages prior, which I had written in June and I hadn't written since but before June was actually a week after my dad died, and going and reading my thoughts shortly, I mean the week after he died, and then days before he died, was pretty jarring and brings you right back to the um really sad moments.
Laurie Poole:Really sad moments. I, you know, it's um I think one of the things we could probably say about grief that most people experience is it's hard to take it all in at one time. And that it is fluid, and that three weeks after we did, and I should say to listeners, uh Courtney and I recorded a podcast on grief three weeks ago, and I forgot to hit record. So here we are again. And that's why we call it Therapist Unplugged, because the therapist forgot to hit record. Anyway, um, it's interesting that over the holidays through the new year, what really strikes me is what you said about I left them in 2025. They're not coming with me into 2026, and that realization and sitting with all the emotion that came up in the new year is another piece of the grief.
Courtney Strull:It's fascinating. And you know, the other interesting thing as I was laying on the couch, honestly sobbing on Tuesday evening, uh talking to Drew about how I was feeling was, and I don't feel guilt because he said, It's interesting, I think you've reached a stage of acceptance. And I've been grieving my dad long before he left Earth. Uh, you know, you know, I've had those conversations too. Um I feel lighter now than I did a year ago because death was inevitable, and that is for everyone, but there was actual timelines on my loved ones. I think the the crying is that one, I wouldn't go backwards. It's not that I don't miss my dad. I would do anything for a hug, another hug. And that's something in the journal, too. It said who's the best hugger in one of my recent days journaling, and it's my dad.
Laurie Poole:Because those hugs reach places words will never get to, don't they?
Courtney Strull:It yes, they do. And so that was a pretty jarring question. Starting to journal again.
Laurie Poole:Yes. It makes me feel vercamped as you're um because that's one of the things about grief that um we I think until you really live through it, it's the finality of things like that hug and um and knowing that you're not gonna feel it that way, and it doesn't mean or that you're not gonna have that experience again. And God, I got all choked up. Um it is it's that realization and trying to come to terms with it or just the grief that really hits you when you go, man. You know. Um I think about you know, not hearing my mom laugh again because she had this sort of raucous laugh, uh, which I've inherited apparently. I think that there are all those little moments of reality that hit you over time, you know, and you think, oh my God, where is all this emotion coming from? But it's not something you can't deal with it all in one shot. It really does. It's fluid. And always changing.
Courtney Strull:Like I said, where when we recorded three weeks ago where I was at is different than where I am today. But one thing that remains true is I mentioned in my journal it leaves for spaces for your feelings that day. And for me, uh feeling this might not be considered a feeling to some, but for me, being consistent is a feeling because it's something I had so much guilt and shame about my whole life. So if I'm consistent in the things I say I'm gonna do, to me, that is a feeling that provides uh contentness. So that's often one of my words is content, consistency, um, even happiness. But one word that keeps showing up is melancholy, because even when I'm happy there's this interesting dimness. Um it's like I guess wearing a pair of sunglasses, like I'm still happy and I'm still able to be present when I am doing things. But everything has changed.
Laurie Poole:Yeah. Everything has changed. Isn't that something that surprised you about grief or that you had not experienced?
Courtney Strull:Um yes, and what's interesting is I thought that the three and a half years I was grieving and watching my dad die slowly. Um, that that's just my truth. Is that's what I witnessed. Sometimes he could walk, sometimes he could talk, sometimes he could do neither, sometimes he could do both. Uh I think grieving in that way is what allowed me to just be sad now. Like I've moved through the anger when he got sick, I've moved through the people don't understand when he was sick, which to me actually is a blessing because now I do get the opportunity to just be sad that my dad's gone and not be convoluted with the other feelings.
Laurie Poole:Is that something that contributes to some of the lightness? Is that the anticipation of his death has has melted to some degree?
Courtney Strull:Yeah. Laurie, I said to Drew, I felt, and I actually read this in my journal, I felt anxious and scared from my big toe to the top of my head every single day, every text, every phone call. It existed. And I told you this a few weeks ago, but like I didn't have space for people in my life, and I had guilt about that, like not wanting to go to bridal showers. And I felt like, why don't I want to go to my friend's baby shower or their bridal shower? Or I mentioned this, playing with my cousin's kids. Uh, you know, I prioritized seeing them on a weekly basis when they were born, and that ceased to exist when he got sick because my uh my priorities changed. It was uh take care of my animals, take care of my relationship, go see my dad every single day, go to work, try to eat whole foods, move my body to take care of myself and repeat the same thing over again the next day. And I know I shared the story with you, but it was the week before Thanksgiving, being at my other cousin's daughter's birthday party where I'm playing chase or tag with Brindley and Hayes, my seven and four-year-old cousins. And as I was leaving the party, it's like I didn't not value that relationship over the last four years. I didn't have space. And so the fear and anxiety being gone about my the inevitable, the worst thing that could happen, and it now has happened. Yeah, and there's room for me to show up for people that I care about in a different way again.
Laurie Poole:That's huge. And I think sometimes it's not until you go through that period that you realize the kind of, I'm gonna say prison that fear and anxiety can lock you up in. And you are putting your, you know, one foot in front of the other every day just to get through it. Survival. It is absolutely survival. Court, I'm really curious about in the conversations that you and Drew had, about the differences in experiences between the sudden loss of a dad and watching a dad go through a terminal illness.
Courtney Strull:Oh, this one's hard. Um, you know, Drew said, I've not experienced both personally. And uh to use Drew's words, what he's reported to me is "I think I'd rather have it the way my situation went." Because my dad's health and illness through no fault of his own impacted every facet of our lives. From the day we found out he had a brain tumor on January 19th, 2021, until the day he died on April 1st, 2025. It changed everything.
Laurie Poole:Yeah.
Courtney Strull:And uh I know I had mentioned it to you during our last conversation, but something I ponder about is I would talk to my friends, I would talk to Drew, I would talk to other family members about how sad I was about my dad, but I never told him. And that is still something that I ask myself, was that for me or was it for him? Because during the times when he would cry to me that he didn't want to die, um, I would hug him and have tears, but very quickly bring myself back. Because the anxiety he had about being sick, it felt like it would contribute to that anxiety if I shared in that sadness.
Laurie Poole:Yes. And you know, Court, um I think that is really common is um we want to protect. And so there's protection of your dad and protection for yourself. And so it was for both of you that perhaps the conversation was avoided. I don't remember ever in you know the seven years that my brother had ALS having a conversation with him about how he felt about a terminal disease that would leave him only able to blink his eyes when he died. But I think one of the differences for me in my experience was that even though he couldn't respond to me, we had a very deep conversation because I went in to say goodbye to him. And it was you know, I said to him something about we will always be connected. And it'll just be different, but we will always be connected, and I know you're gonna be okay. And just the look in his eyes said so much. But the the opportunity to have that conversation shifted so much, and same with my mom, who, as I shared with you, um had medical assistance in dying in Canada, it's legal, and she made the decision that she did not want to continue living under the conditions she was in. And it um it afforded the opportunity for us to have the most intimate conversations that gave both of us so much peace. I can't even describe. And so the her loss, the loss of her um those conversations meant I had no regrets.
Courtney Strull:Yeah.
Laurie Poole:And when someone dies suddenly, you don't have a chance to have those conversations.
Courtney Strull:Yeah, it's I can't imagine not having that opportunity because, like you, I also got to have those conversations with my dad, who also could only blink in the end. And it was interesting because his body wasn't working properly at that point. And as I'm having a conversation, a tear rolls one tear rolled down his face.
Laurie Poole:Yeah, yeah.
Courtney Strull:Um and that's one of the harder things is the cognitive awareness that I know that existed for him. But nothing can work and talk about jail. Like I think Iit's just jail emotionally. I can't imagine what it would be like to be able to do nothing but understand everything.
Laurie Poole:Exactly. Yeah, exactly. To be in that that vulnerable um state that is where your body becomes a prison.
Courtney Strull:Yeah. Uh so grateful for those conversations. But I think the word I used to drew in regards to witnessing that type of illness and being scared, the word that came to mind was torture. It felt like torture to watch that.
Laurie Poole:Yeah.
Courtney Strull:And what's crazy is I wouldn't go back to who I was before my dad got sick because of what I've gotten to learn from it, the gratitude I have for life, my perspective on what matters and what doesn't, how I choose to spend my spare time, who I choose to spend it with, because it gave me the perspective that time is precious in a way that I did not know before.
Laurie Poole:You know, it it um this reminds me a bit of Anderson Cooper. And uh for listeners who aren't aware, Anderson lost his mom several years ago and does a podcast now on Grief, which is an amazing podcast. Um, he's had some incredible conversations with people. But the book that he wrote with his mom is called Um Nothing Left Unsaid. And if I in my experience of grief, and I think that's also what you're you know, you're alluding to, is that um you realize how precious time is that life changes on a dime. And it's so important to express your love, your feelings, your gratitude, your appreciation for the people who are important to you. You know, because when you lose someone and you know, this is not to compare grief, because there's all different kinds of grief, but when you lose someone, um I think that a lot of people experience regret and anger and um resentment and all kinds of uh different experiences pending their relationship with that person. A mother is different, I think, than losing a child. You know, I can't even imagine what that is like. Um and the type of relationship that we have with the person, and you were very, very close with your dad.
Courtney Strull:Yeah, and the other important note is that his 94-year-old mom is still alive. Yes, yeah. And that's been complicated too.
Laurie Poole:She's lost her her son, one of her sons.
Courtney Strull:And man, it's been really my grandma behaved like a 70-year-old before his death, and she behaves like a 94-year-old now. Yeah, but it has been fascinating to see how deeply this, I mean, it impacted all of us, but l ike there's nothing like losing your kid, and it must be really confusing when you're 94 years old and it's not supposed to be this way.
Laurie Poole:That's right. And you feel so powerless and like it's not fair, it's just not fair that this happened. Yeah. Court, I'm curious about in this journey with grief and what you have experienced. Has there been anything in particular that you have found like helpful or comforting or um uplifted a bit, if that's even possible?
Courtney Strull:You know, when my dad got sick, I mentioned earlier that I casted a lot of judgment on people for not showing up for me in the ways that I thought that they should, for not checking in enough. Um that was my anger stage. And I think part of what I learned was I have to learn how to meet my own needs. And that's not just with the people who I didn't think were checking in enough. It was the ways that my parents uh they did the best they could, but little me needed other things and more. And so I went and learned how to take care of me in that way and heal from those things. So I didn't have to live resentful, frustrated, or looking in the wrong places for it the rest of my life. So I think learning how to care for me appropriately, not just emotionally, physically, mentally. 27-year-old me one would be really proud of who I am now, but it's pretty unrecognizable, um, in my opinion. I had never lived life without ruminating thoughts. I'd never sat on a couch without noise. I can sit in peace now. Um I don't know. It's just so interesting to watch someone you love not be able to do things, jolting me to do everything and stop making excuses. Something I live by as discipline happens when you stop negotiating with your feelings. And I'm saying I always leave room for both. It's not that I'm not allowed to have a shitty day, it's not that I'm not allowed to be devastated. But the day before my dad, the the day before my dad's funeral, so the day he died, the day after he died, I still walked four miles because I understood not walking isn't gonna make me feel better. Uh and that has protected me, and it's my guardrails, my routine, my consistency. It keeps me from going to an even darker place.
Laurie Poole:It sounds as though the discipline and the structure that you introduced into your life during a period where you had no control over what was happening to your dad really gave you uh an opportunity to be grounded, met parts of yourself in a way that you hadn't met before.
Courtney Strull:I didn't trust me before. I'd say I'd do something and probably not do it and have every reason as to why I didn't, couldn't do it or wouldn't do it. Yeah. And the guilt and shame cycle was never ending. So I guess I stopped. I again, I left room for both. I'm allowed to have those feelings, and I also know I'm capable of following through with what I say I'm gonna do.
Laurie Poole:It sounds as though your dad's diagnosis was a catalyst for it, it wasn't just about grief. It wasn't limited to grief. It was also the a response to or how you managed something, an experience that was happening that you had never experienced before. You didn't know those parts of yourself that could step forward and say, hey, I'm gonna take care of you. And guess what? We're gonna walk four miles today, because you're gonna feel so much better afterwards. And that's something that won't change unless you decide you're not gonna walk the four miles, but that's something you can do every day and have some control over it. So, but at the same time doing a deep dive into you know your own emotional health and well-being that allowed you to explore and heal from things and experiences you had before your dad's diagnosis.
Courtney Strull:No, it's been wild. And in Taylor Swift's documentary of The Eras Tour, she says, everyone wants what you have, but they don't want to do what you did to get there. You know, I've had people say, like, oh, I want to live like have a lifestyle like the one you're living, where I cook 90% of the food that I put into my body. I'm very mindful of these things and I'm happy and I'm I can meal prep and do all of these things and move my body every day and work and be successful in all of these regards. But it did take hell to get there.
Laurie Poole:It was a process over time. You can't just add water and stir. It is absolutely um, and it is an opportunity that was presented to you that you grabbed out of necessity, because this was the only way to survive a period or to manage a period where you're looking, You're, you know, as you mentioned, um, every single day you brought your dad Starbucks. Every single day. And the drive from where you live to where your dad was in the hospital or where your parents are living, and then coming to work and dealing with clients. And then the drive home, which is, you know, it's a bit of a hike, and and and all of that, there was, yeah, I have to manage this. I have to find a way to manage this.
Courtney Strull:Yeah. But I feel fortunate to have had this experience now because I think I figured something out that you hear so often from people 80 plus that say, like, I wish I would have done these things, or I think I understand life in a different way. And, you know, I didn't have much of a relationship with a higher being before my dad got sick. You know, I was raised Jewish and I was spiritually Jewish, but I guess what I'm saying is I see the point of life a lot differently. And I guess I looked at my dad's health as one of the worst things, the worst thing that's probably ever happened in my life, but also opportunity for a different kind of freedom for the rest of my life. So, like again, physically witnessing what I did, and like when he was on life support, watching physical therapists still come wiggle his toes, move his legs, move his arms. That was a physical representation to me of like you still move their body, even though we don't know if they're waking up to keep the brainstem active. And it was just reinforcement. Mind-body connection is imperative.
Laurie Poole:Yes.
Courtney Strull:I'm gonna do everything in my power to live a healthy life until it's my time.
Laurie Poole:Exactly. That whole mind-body connection. Well, we could do a whole other episode on that because it's so powerful. It it really, really is. It's very, very powerful. I'm curious about um relationships. Did your process with grief shift relationships with close family members or friends or even with yourself?
Courtney Strull:Oh gosh, every relationship that I have, definitely the one with myself. That's the biggest change.
Laurie Poole:Yeah.
Courtney Strull:Um, through everything you and I have discussed, definitely my relationship with Drew. Um, and I'd say more of that change is happening now, now that the dust is settling in a different way. Now that I don't have fear from head to toe, I can live in a different way again. I used to be, Drew would say, let's go to dinner. I didn't want to leave. I didn't realize how tired I was now that I am living again. Even though I was living, I was taking care of myself in the ways that I always wanted to and could hadn't. I didn't up until the last few years. Um, so the dust is settling with Drew, and I'm like, holy crap, we have been through so much tribulation together. Of course, it impacted our relationship. Of course it was hard. He's triggered because his dad died. He's having I sit here and I'm like, I don't know how I would do what he did, watch a partner go through what I did. He'd find me on the closet floor crying for hours multiple times over the last few years. How is he supposed to show up for me in the way? And that would make me angry sometimes too. And I'm only able to reflect on it this way now because my hurt was bigger during that time. There wasn't a whole lot of space for me to understand what was happening for him.
Laurie Poole:Yes.
Courtney Strull:Um, that's outside of the relationship with self, that is the biggest uh relationship shift is with Drew. And then my mom and brother. Um on New Year's Eve, Drew and I went to dinner, and I haven't even told Alec my brother this yet, and I plan to call him and tell him. But I am so proud that he's my brother because he's not just a good brother, son. He's the best husband and dad of most 30-something-year-olds I've ever met. Uh, the day we found out my dad got sick, Alec drove down from Austin with his now wife. Um and three weeks later, they moved. I don't know many people who do that.. Especially men. And he showed up to that hospital as much as I did. And when my dad was on life support, and I'm as I mentioned earlier, I was reading my journal. It's quite sad. It's like I spent the day all day at the hospital with dad so mom could go home because when he was in ICU, my dad was not left for one minute without my brother and myself or my mom. She slept at the hospital every night for seven weeks. But we like that day, I went the whole day so that she could go home and shower. And my journal reads, I went to be with dad today so that mom could go home and shower. I cut his hair, I shaved his face, I brushed his teeth, I clipped his toenails, I cleaned his ears. Uh, his friend came to visit. He didn't wake up at all today. And just go on to like, oh, I got home and cooked myself dinner. And that's really sad to reflect on. But I care took my dad in that way. Whereas the day my dad died, Alec did all the funeral arrangements. And so we made quite the team. Uh, we both showed up, but the ways we emotionally cared were a little different. And that's been my brother and I didn't get along growing up at all. Not at all.
Laurie Poole:And it's in the loss of your dad and the experience of that mutual experience um around your dad's diagnosis and and an experience neither one of you had ever had. You know, it's not like we um live in a society where death and terminal illness and loss is openly talked about, which is why we are doing this episode, because we want to distance ourselves from this. And yet we are all going to experience this loss. It is inevitable. But we act like we're gonna live forever. And it's not like it was at the turn of the you know 20th century in the early 1900s, 1800s, where women and babies died in childbirth and young kids were, you know, taken by influenza and people didn't live long lives. Death was a normal part of life, and it was in your face, and families experienced it everywhere.
Courtney Strull:And I think you touched on something you said, we act like we're gonna live forever. And I think that's what I got to learn from 27 to 30 through him being sick, is I know we're not. And that's what was that's what I guess the higher power, God, in my opinion, like in or what I believe in, that's what's been gifted to me through this experience is I see it now and I'm not wasting time. And I wasted time.
Laurie Poole:Well, this is part of what uh life brings us. You know, the school of life is a hard one. And there are parts of our curriculum on this planet that present incredible challenges. And until we get to the other side of it, it's pretty hard to evaluate how we've been impacted and what we've learned about ourselves and about life and how we want to live. That's what I'm hearing is that the death of your dad taught you how you want to live.
Courtney Strull:It changed everything. How I want to live, who I want to be around, and not in a negative way. If I don't, if someone doesn't fill my cup, I don't think any less of of them. It's just I value my closest relationships. I'm okay not having a hundred friends that I need to check in with all the time. I value my people and I cherish those relationships, and that's what I pour into. Um I don't know. I feel like I've learned a lifetime of lessons in a matter of a few years. And like I said, I'm glad I know now instead of figuring it out at 70, 80, 90 years old, because I see people around me who haven't figured out yet. And that's not coming from a place of judgment, it's just an observation.
Laurie Poole:It's an observation and what people have experienced also, and what you've been able to at this particular time sort of reflect on and understand about yourself. And you've had curiosity about yourself as well, Courtney. You know, it's it's um you've done the work, what we call in therapy, doing the work, which is that, you know, taking the elevator a few a few floors down and asking uh asking some really tough questions of yourself and and just sitting with that, and the answers don't always come. You need time. Time is a huge factor in dealing with grief. A huge time. A huge factor, excuse me. And I think that's something. If there's one sort of final thought, something you want to share or you would like people to know about grief, what would you say?
Courtney Strull:Well, I think I'm gonna be learning about it for the rest of my life because you hear this all the time, but I'm happy one minute, like I can be joking with Drew in the kitchen and then sit down and be bawling, crying a minute later out of nowhere. And I don't judge myself for that. It's just again, information. And where I was three weeks ago during our conversation is different than today. And I am, I presume it will be that way forever. Uh, losing someone like your dad, a sibling, your child, they're different. But what is offered through the experience, I think so much of it is about what are we willing to do? We can't control the outcomes, but how do we choose to live? And I think I chose to honor him and myself through what I've decided to do differently than I did before he was sick.
Laurie Poole:Wow.
Courtney Strull:And you'd asked me a question before we started was there any humor in any of this? And something that in my mind, and this might be pretty morbid, but my brother, my mom, and myself were with my dad uh when he died, and uh holding him during that time, which is actually quite beautiful. Most people don't get that opportunity.
Laurie Poole:It is.
Courtney Strull:Um, but we sat with his body for the hours it took until the synagogue came to retrieve him. And I pulled down the sheet and looked at his corpse and I said, You better send signs as they were taking him out. Uh so there's some humor. And my mom and brother were just like WTF Court.
Laurie Poole:Has your dad sent you a sign?
Courtney Strull:Oh, yeah, I've gotten many. I have a whole list in my notes app.
Laurie Poole:Okay.
Courtney Strull:All right, message received Court, and yes, and you were at the funeral. I mentioned signs at the end of my eulogy. Yeah, oh gosh, we didn't even touch on that. I did three eulogies in three months.
Laurie Poole:Yeah.
Courtney Strull:In the relationship with my mom and having to be gentle. I just lost my dad. I want to lean on my mom for support. She's just lost her husband. Now she's caretaking her dying parents. She's with her dad when he dies, and then she's with her mom when she dies. It's been complicated, and we probably need a whole other episode about all of that. Yeah.
Laurie Poole:It has been complicated. You know, and when we think about putting our own needs aside to protect or to support somebody else, and what does that mean? Yeah, you're right. I think we could. We could have part two on grief. I appreciate your time so much today, Courtney, because this isn't easy stuff to talk about, but it's also really important. And I appreciate your openness and vulnerability and sharing your story and experience. And I have no doubt that it will inspire others to know that grief is a place you don't have to stay stuck in, but it is also a place that you can't just leap out of and be healed. It takes time. People will have their own way of processing that. Some will come to us in therapy, some will spend a lot of time in a cemetery or in a place of worship or in prayer at home. There's just so many ways of processing grief and its aftermath, but one thing I know for sure is it takes time and the willingness to sit with the waves of grief because it can feel like being tsunami. And what you've shared with listeners today is that there are things that you can do, there are ways that you can manage. And it is not a take a pill and you'll be good. It's over a period of time. And eventually you find a way to make friends with the feelings that you have when the tears come and when the sadness hits. And I think Joe Biden said this about his experience after losing his son Bo to glioblastoma and also his first wife and daughter in a car accident, which was with time, you hear their names and you smile. And um I think that happens when we're willing to sit with the feelings, the grief, the emotion, and understand that it is an emotional EKG that gets a little quieter over time, but it's not like it ever disappears.
Courtney Strull:Yeah, there's a there's a hole, and I think it fills in a little. You learn how to live, you learn how to go to work for the first time without my dad.
Laurie Poole:Yeah.
Courtney Strull:You learn how to wake up on New Year's Day without the text, you learn. That doesn't mean you don't long for it though. But as you and I've discussed, I try to communicate with him out loud almost every day. And I think because I'm open to it, I feel as though there have been signs.
Laurie Poole:Beautiful.
Courtney Strull:That feels pretty good.
Laurie Poole:I bet it does. Well, I know it does because I've you know I talk to all the people out there who've died. Courtney, thank you so much for your time, really. This has been just fabulous. And for anyone out there who's been listening to our conversation in this episode, if you're going through some grief, if you're going through sadness, if you need someone to talk to, reach out to us at The Montfort Group. We can help. www.themontfortgroup.com. Thanks, Court.
