Therapist Unplugged
Therapist Unplugged
Myths and misconceptions about therapy with Cory Montfort
Our host, Laurie Poole, LPC discusses common myths and misconceptions about going to therapy and being a therapist with co-host, Cory Montfort, LPC-S on this inaugural episode of Therapist Unplugged. Each episode will feature the unplugged views of guests and fellow therapists as we navigate hot topics, therapy trends and the world around us.
We’ve got a big lineup of hot topics and all kinds of things for future episodes, but this will be a fun opportunity for listeners to get to know us a little bit, So, in talking about therapy and therapists, we believe it’s a huge myth that therapists lead these perfect lives, that we have all the answers, that we sit in our chair from this place of leading a perfect life, maybe judging our clients? Nothing could be farther from the truth.
You are listening to therapist unplugged for straight talk on life, relationships and mental health. I am your host Laurie Poole, licensed professional counselor with the monster group in North Dallas. Each episode will feature the unplugged views of guests and fellow therapists, as we navigate hot topics, therapy trends and the world around us. On Episode One, the inaugural episode of therapist unplugged, I am joined by Cory Montfort, CEO, and licensed professional counselor supervisor at the Montfort group in North Dallas. And today, Corey, we're going to talk fact and fiction about therapy. What do you think about that?
Cory Montfort:I'm excited, and I'm so pleased to be on your first episode. Yes, I'm so happy that you're joining me on this first episode. It's been pretty fun just even hooking up the wires and understanding how to do it. It's already been so fun.
Laurie Poole:Well, we know who has the patience, and it ate me. So I thought this would be a good place to start. Because it seems to me that there are a lot of untruth, misconceptions about therapy and above there. Oh, for sure. So I thought this might be a fun place for us to start. Yeah, because we've got a big lineup of hot topics, and all kinds of things for future episodes. But this might be an opportunity also for listeners to get to know you and be a little bit like it and maybe have some fun. I know we do. We'll be fine. Yeah. If we have for listeners, all three of them have been. Maybe we'll get five, maybe we'll get five by episode two. So in talking about therapy, and therapists, here's a big I think it's a huge myth, which is that therapists lead these perfect lives, that they have all the answers, that they sit in their chair, or wherever they are in their office, from this place of leading a perfect life, maybe judging their clients? I don't know. And I don't think anything could be farther from the truth. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. We're,
Cory Montfort:we're very much people that make mistakes and have pasts that are frustrating. And we experience all the range of emotions that everybody else does. It's, it is sometimes difficult to communicate that effectively to our clients. Yeah, to reassure them, that there's not shame in this room in this space. But you know, so many of them, like all of us have grown up with that.
Laurie Poole:Would you ever go to a therapist who hasn't been in their own therapy?
Cory Montfort:I don't think so. I do go to my own therapist and have for quite some time. They've changed throughout the years. But I don't know that I've ever asked.
Laurie Poole:See, I would not be inclined, I wouldn't go to a therapist who hasn't been in therapy. Okay. So you ask them, is that part of the okay. Yeah, I want to know, yeah. And I actually share that openly with my clients, is I will say, you know, I go to therapy, because I'm working on this. Yeah, I do that to really to normalize, that we are a work in progress throughout a lifetime. And that where I'm at, at this point in my life, and my third act is not where I was in my first or even my second. Yeah, so i think i think it normalizes therapy, and it makes us perhaps more relate relatable to share something that like I don't, I'm not embarrassed by it. Oh, me neither, me neither.
Cory Montfort:I do share that as well. And I think it starts to change the definition of psychotherapy, where, you know, a lot of people think you have to be in crisis, or it is just for this moment of grief or, or something troubling you creating chaos in your world. But I refer to it a lot with my clients as emotional exercise. And you really, always should be exercising that skill set and it changes over time, to your point, what you need. Sometimes you need, you know, another another reminder, or, you know, a slightly different way of thinking about something because this is the first time you've experienced through this issue, right? Yeah. So it's Not really a one and done thing it can you can take a break or pause. But I think it's good to have that in your, in your repertoire of of go to. Yeah, I mean, it's really a process over time. We sounded very Canadian there. Well, you, you rose. Yeah, you should have revealed that right up front, I was wailing. The host is Canadian, I have to give that away. But I but it really is a process. It's also a process over time.
Laurie Poole:It is, it's like this archeological dig. And sometimes you'll go into therapy, and you'll just, you know, you'll dust off the superficial dust because not every single session offers an equal amount of depth and insight intensity. I mean, that would be just exhausting, I think yes. But you do, you, you, you just you learn more about yourself. It shifts the frame of how you view things, all kinds of stuff, but all that to say, I think, if the therapist hasn't been in therapy, then how do they sit in front of clients, asking them to do work, they haven't done themselves. And if we are the conduit of healing and change and insight and all of that for our clients, then I think this is a profession where you have to do your own work, because that's what you bring into the room with you. While you're making me when I asked my therapist, Well, listen, go for it. I would I think that should be the first question the next time you see him or her little interview? Well, she's listening. I'm gonna ask, oh, she's one of our three.
Cory Montfort:Otherwise, she's fired? Oh, no, I don't disagree. I think in whatever fashion you emotionally exercise. I'm not convinced it has to be in therapy. I think that that is probably the predominant way that I would do that. But I don't know that you have to go to therapy to exercise your emotion. Cory, I'm not sure I understand what you're talking. I know, I, I hear you. This is how we make our living. And I do think it's super important. But I do think that some people have a way to learn about themselves and about their relationships through different connections other than a therapist. I don't know that it's the same I'm sure it's not. But they can still evolve and grow and develop. And over time without it. I just I, for me, it's extremely valuable. And the people that go usually find it valuable to That's right. Yeah, yeah, they find the right fit with the right therapist, I think. Yeah, once How old were you when you first found your first therapist
Laurie Poole:I was in I think it was about 27. I was about 27. And it was a woman that my grandmother knew of. And I had this terrible phobia. vomiting, is actually followed me throughout my life. Yes, we survived the fact my children were professional vondre. But that was that was the that was the whole premise of starting therapy. So yes, I would have been about 28. Yeah, did it help? Well, I ended up there for five years, and didn't talk a lot about vomiting. Actually, it led to discovery of many different things. That surprised me actually. I learned how hard it was for me to ask for help. I was I think I, I enjoyed talking. And I think out loud when I talk like I process out loud. So it was really nice for me to have someone who was like my Jewish mother talking. She was from Brooklyn. And Barbara Wayne river name was and she was just she since passed away. But she was an amazing lady.
Cory Montfort:Well, I do tend to agree that a lot of my clients will come in. And I've experienced this myself in therapy, where you didn't know that was it. That was the struggle for you until you start talking about it. Or the therapist gives you some some feedback. And you kind of have these aha moments like, oh, that that can be something that we need to talk through.
Laurie Poole:Yeah, yeah. Even now, at this stage of my life, and I've gone back to therapy. I've had incredible aha moments, about patterns in my own life. Things like feeling as though I can't show distress. You know, and here I am sitting in a room every single day with people who can be highly distressed, and I enjoy it. I'm comfortable with it. I don't it doesn't make me anxious or any of that I can sit very comfortably with people in distress and be fully present with them. But it's hard for me to reveal my own distress.
Cory Montfort:Yeah, I think that sounds really normal and common, you know, when we're, when we are in the accident, rather than viewing it? Yes. Yeah. And I say that a lot to couples who swing together with their emotion to try to observe rather than fix or be in the accident. And, you know, that's hard when you really care about someone. That's right. Yeah. You know, yeah, for sure. So, I thought, you know, especially in this first episode, that I could ask you some questions, too. Because, you know, you'll be asking a lot of questions moving forward. And, again, interviewing really amazing people. But I wanted to know, what do you do when you go home? And how long are your days? silent love to hear? What do I do when I go home? You want to make something up? Or?
Laurie Poole:I take a frozen dinner, I slap it into the microwave. And talk to my husband briefly, I asked for short verse. Oh, you can't afford you Really? No, no, no, that's true. And actually, I've just received a T shirt that says I'm billing you for this code that I will wear at home. In any event, it's a frozen dinner, it is dumping bags on the floor, changing into comfortable clothing, having a brief conversation and then collecting myself. Yeah, I think here's a myth about therapy. That it is a passive, that it's a passive activity. In other words, it looks as though the therapist is sitting in the chair. And all they're doing is listening. But there's so much more that happens. And we give and we put out all day long. So in answer to your question, part of myself care at the end of the day is to retreat. I withdraw now. Look at something that's just brainless. I find my tolerance for deep heavy movies has declined. Yeah, yeah, I want happy endings, and hence it feel good. Yeah, I'm more selective about what I read what I watch on television, what I listen to.
Cory Montfort:That's, that's exactly yeah, that's, that's I would say, you know, self self care. You know, if we're doing this job, right, it really is never about us. And so yeah, you're constantly giving out and so to put back in, yeah, sometimes, you know, we don't do enough of that. But it's you know, I don't read the news. But once every morning, I don't have cable in my house because I just like yourself, I can't put in any more information. I do think one of the balances is just trying to still be available in a good way for the people that I love when I go home, which you know, it it's a hit or miss sometimes, you know, depending on the day but but that's, that's the biggest struggle is you, you can feel somewhat drained. I've had a lot of clients actually asked me do i do i you know, think about all of the stuff that I hear over and over again, you know, when I get home or try to go to sleep, but I really feel like at this stage in my career, I can kind of compartmentalize and when I get in the car, you know I can transition from being at work to trying to get to a place where I want you know, the mom, you know, or partner in me is available. That usually means I've listened to AC DC on the way out.
Laurie Poole:I have been known to listen to rock and roll on my way to work in the morning. Nice. Yeah, some some old stuff like cream and the stones. I to get me pumped up. I Oh So I also do you know, meditation, I tried to do that a couple of times a day. And that just energy. It's like, it's like a nice rinse over your brain. A cleansing rinse over your brain is a good one.
Cory Montfort:So, what do you think is the coolest part about? Because I know you and I know you love this time in your life this career? Cuz you always you haven't always been a therapist? No. So what what made you decide to jump careers and go into therapy and go back to school? Because it takes a really long time? Yeah. Yeah, it did take a long.
Laurie Poole:While the irony is that in high school in college, I was a peer counselor. And then I became an academic advisor, after college. So in some ways, at 50, when I decided to go back to when I decided I was going to graduate school because I moved to Dallas and SMU opened up, it was the first term of the master's degree in counseling. And I said, My God, this is Kismet. I have wanted to do this my whole life. So went to went to school work full time traveled for work. And, you know, did my 3000 hours and let your private practice with you?
Cory Montfort:I know, it's just having a I don't know, sort of like a goose bump moment. Watching you were in the same room. So I'm watching you talk. And the first time I met you was my first term. And I think it was your second or something at SMU, and you answered a question in class. And I thought, Gosh, she has the best voice I have ever. And here I am dream come true. We are all these years partnering with you. And doing a podcast with your voice. Yeah, yeah. Now who knew? Certainly not me at the time? No, no. But
Laurie Poole:lucky. Yes. Yeah. So much fun. Yeah. I mean, who knew I would be living in Dallas. When I look back on my life. If I thought at 40, I would have been living in Dallas and going to graduate school and, and starting a whole new career in the third chapter of my life, I never would have been able to or the third act of my life, I never would have imagined,
Cory Montfort:I think I think all of that experience really contributes to your effectiveness as a therapist. So I mean, that's, I do, I think, you know, waiting until you've had some life experience. You've had, you know, a career in corporate for a long time. You've raised children, you've gone through a marriage divorce, right? You've done the things that sometimes people come in and talk about. And I think people trust you back to that whole, like, how do you trust your therapist? And how do you know, I think that is a huge piece of it.
Laurie Poole:I think that's a piece of it. I think, too, it's a little bit like having all the laboratory work done before you study the theory. You look at the books, and you go, Oh, my God, where they love watching my bad stuff. It's so true. It's so true. And I feel I feel really privileged to be in a position where I can offer reassurance when I say to clients, you won't get stuck here. Oh, I love that, you know, you won't get stuck here. It's hard to imagine. But I promise you won't get stuck here. To have that. That I think the the vantage point of being at this stage of my life, and being able to look back, you know, even 25 years ago. Yeah, I think that's really,
Cory Montfort:why did you think because you you came to me, it must have been a couple of years ago and said, I really think a podcast would be an really cool thing to do. Why Why were you? So hell bent on this? Well,
Laurie Poole:I will. I don't think I've told you this before. But for probably 25 to 30 years, I've said, I'd really like to have my own radio show. For real real. I'm not kidding. This was way before podcasts. And that kind of thing. People had commented on my voice. But I also you know, I have a performer element. And if you mean your theatrical just Yeah, yes. So I used to joke about that all the time. And I think with the introduction of podcasts and so on, that became More of a possibility, as I stepped more into myself as a therapist, and realize that I can be a Reverend, and that I like to laugh and have fun in therapy. It's not a lot of hand wringing and serious and heavy, no, and that kind of thing. And as we've had our meetings, and I've spoken and worked with other other therapists as well, I think that there's just an element of therapy in the unplugged piece when we really think about stuff.
Cory Montfort:Yeah. And what I mean, again, I think people that do kind of tune into this will be maybe somebody who has been to therapy before and as is curious about what we think I think also people might tune in because they haven't been and they're curious about what goes on in therapy, and then people will tune in because they know us, and they just want to know what we see support. Or if he'll be supportive. Yeah. Or maybe maybe some former clients that are like, I hope they don't talk about my problem. The three listeners who are Sure, there might be there are three of my children. No, I mean, I've always, you know, I've liked the idea, but it seemed, I don't know, at the time, I was like, I don't know, just doesn't seem like it seemed like a lot of effort. And I wasn't sure if it was going to go well, but I have to say the last it's probably been since the pandemic started. I I've listened to more podcasts, I think the listenership in general podcasts has gone up. And I feel like people it's another way to connect and to to gather information. And there's just so much going on.
Laurie Poole:There's so much going on. And I think it's another way for us to deliver some good information and a perspective that listeners can take something away from Yeah, that's not political. It's not political. It's not. I mean, maybe some of the things we'll talk about are going to talk about infidelity. Yeah, we're going to talk about men and their emotion. Yes. Because you know, the husband whisperer.
Cory Montfort:Yeah. And not just because your voice because they listen to you.
Laurie Poole:Not just because of the voice, but no, I really, I enjoy working with men very much. But, you know, there will be there will be some controversial topics, I think that will come up or some viewpoints that are a little bit outside the box.
Cory Montfort:Yeah. And that's the unplugged piece. That's really cool. Because, you know, I'm sure, in our own sessions with our clients, people don't always agree with what we say, and vice versa. But that's what's the beauty of a therapeutic relationship. It shouldn't, it should never be cut off for, for disagreeing. But really just being able to process different points of view. Yeah, is what society needs to do more of in general, in my opinion. So that's right.
Laurie Poole:I really the other piece of it, that I hope people will come away from these episodes, is understanding that the human experience is shared by everyone. And that we are all connected, I don't care who you are. We are all connected. The human experience is common to everyone. And that therapy, talking to people, being curious about yourself, even if you don't come to therapy, there's lots of other resources. But you know, that that we aren't alone. And our experiences aren't necessarily unique, but rather shared by people all over the world. And I think if people can come away from listening to this series, understanding that and knowing that they're not alone, then I think we've accomplished part of the mission.
Cory Montfort:I think it's going to be a lot of fun. We should, and I will be excited to join you anytime. And I know we have a lot of topics already planned and things will come up and other some other therapists will join us too. Oh, yeah, that'll be fun. I know. You are going to be interviewing your daughter. Yeah, she's fixing our second baby. Yeah. about some faces to exercise. Oh, yeah. That's Miss Texas. Yeah, right over there. I'm not even from here. But it was once to me. process. Yeah. Anyway, but I think that's a beautiful way to end. Our first episode is with The reminder that we are all, you know, we've all been a part of every emotion. We've all had each emotion before. Not everybody has the same experience. But when someone is saying, I feel x, right, yeah, we know, maybe it's not about that thing, but we have felt that before. And just knowing that another person has felt that when you're feeling is reassuring, and feels like connection.
Laurie Poole:Yeah, very comforting. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, this is fun. This was fun. Thank you, Cory. And I will look forward to having you come back down the road. Yeah.
Cory Montfort:Well probably see around the office. Yeah. Tomorrow. No, Monday. Yeah. Okay. All right. Thank you. The Montford group aims to provide a serene calming setting where you can feel challenged, supported and motivated. Our skilled therapists bridge specialized backgrounds and varied philosophies together to create one unified strategy. Rather than steer you away from your own natural abilities. We help you maximize your unique strengths to uncover the boldest version of yourself. We do not view broken history as the end of a story. We see it as an opportunity for a new beginning. To learn more about our practice and how we can help you please visit us at the Montfort group.com.
